Sailor Senshi Deathmatch Series Two
by Fire Angel1
Summary: Satan's Angel and I are at it again, folks! Series two is up for all the people that loved series one. Enjoy!


Sailor Senshi Deathmatch Series Two  
Episode 1: Outer Senshi vs. Harry Potter  
By Fire Angel & Satan's Angel  
  
Disclaimer: In Sailor Senshi Deathmatch Series Two, none of the characters belong to us (unless   
stated otherwise). None. Nil. Zero. Zilch. Zip. Nada. Nought. Not a sausage. So if you try to sue  
us, all you'll get from us is petty immature insults (and when you return to your house it won't   
exist for we will have written it out of the world). So don't even think about it!  
  
A Miniscule Note From Fire Angel, Goddess of Fire: Wow, it's great to be back and writing this   
stuff again! You may have noted a fairly long absence from the two Goddess Angels, but we have   
been somewhat busy (we've been in this place called Albuquerque, where the towels are oh so   
fluffy and anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel… wacka wacka doo doo   
yeah!) :o) Anywayz, our goal this time around is to wipe out some venerable characters, along   
with some of the more annoying ones. This episode's characters could be counted as either,   
depending on the type of person you are. By the way, my little sis' is in this episode, her   
name's Chibi Angel (which means Little Angel for those who don't know 'berry' much Japanese) and   
she thinks Harry Potter is God (not really, but she loves him enough). By the way, 'Deep Shaking'  
is a dual attack from the Sailormoon Nintendo game 'Another Story'. We may use some more in the   
future… so don't blame us. Oh, and the name Fabian means 'prosperous bean grower'. I know that   
won't mean much to you now, but it will when you read this. Hah-hah! So anywayz dudes, I said   
this was miniscule (but I lied), so I'll rack off now and leave you alone… by the way, do you   
like our new disclaimer?? PS: Chibi-chan is a budding fanfic author; I'm gonna post her new   
series under my name-so look out for them! Luv yas!  
  
A Miniscule Note From Satan's Angel, Goddess of Death: Howdie ho and welcome back!! I am proud to  
say that I am having fun to be of writing-ness again after an of largeness lapse in placing one's  
fingers on the keyboard and pressing on the rather cube-ish keys with funky symbols on them that   
represent a rather queer language, that I have only just recently got a grasp upon. Now if that's  
not a run-on sentence, I do not know what is! I must stop now coz Fire Angel is telling me to   
stop the running on sentences and the royal sounding gabble… hi… If you don't know where you can   
e-mail us, it is at the places known to all as rinoa_heartilly86@hotmail.com (Ef. Angel) and   
fizzy86@hotmail.com (Es. Angel). For those of you who tend to gather this information, well, it's  
like… nnn-dah-hoik is what I say and what I say is… nnn-dah-hoik! If you cannot handle this,   
BLERRRRRRRR!! I shall being of stopping-ness now so that it is that you can read with your eyes.   
Lots of luv and royal sounding run-on sentences, moi, mwah, me, g'day and say 'hi' to ya mum for  
me!  
  
Ami: Konnichiwa, my adoring minnasan. Welcome to the very first… that's right, the first episode   
of Sailor Senshi Deathmatch Series Two. That's right, your favourite warriors of love, protection   
and justice are back to kick more buttocks. My name is Mizuno Ami, but you probably know me   
better as the beautiful soldier of wisdom, the protector of the planet Mercury, Sailor Mercury!   
I'm your commentator for today. Our first commentator for the series, haha! And the guest   
commentator - the very first for this series - is Mr. Tom Felton.  
Tom: *smiling flirtatiously at the over-zealous girls in the audience* Hello everybody, I'm the   
guest commentator for today, here to watch the Sailor Senshi take on Hogwarts School of   
Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
Ami: Introducing… for the very first time this series… the powerful senshi of the outer planets -  
Sailors Pluto, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune and Sailor Chibi-Moon!  
Outer Senshi: Konnichiwa, minnasan! Ogenki desuka?  
From the audience… Tidus (Final Fantasy X): *goggling over Neptune* Hai, genki desu!  
Tom: And the challengers… from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a school for budding   
sorcerers-slash-sorceresses created by Ms. J.K. Rowling, now known by at least 300% of the   
world's population… Miss Hermione Granger… *waits for applause* Mr. Ronald Weasley… *waits for   
louder applause* my main man, Mr. Draco Malfoy… *frowns as he hears the applause stop abruptly*   
Mr. Harry Potter… *frowns deeply as applause grows to fifteen decibels above what the human ear   
can withstand* and Fluffy.  
Ami: Fluffy?! As in… Fluffy the three-headed dog who is basically a huge rip-off of Cerberus, the  
Greek guard of the Underworld?  
Tom: Uhh… yes.  
Ami: As in… Fluffy the three-headed dog who basically rips people's heads off?  
Tom: Uhh… yes.  
Ami: As in… Fluffy the three-headed dog who…  
Tom: SHUT UP ALREADY! It's FLUFFY! Fluffy the three-headed DOG!  
Harry Potter: *cheerfully* `cept this time, he's on our side.  
Ami: All right, let's get on with this. I have an algebra test tomorrow, and I really must finish  
revising chapters 256-479 of my Math textbook, otherwise I know I will surely fail!  
!!DING!!  
Ami: Okay then, Uranus and Neptune are going right at it…  
From the audience… Fabian (F.Angel and S.Angel's friend): Oh yeah!  
Ami: You. The prosperous bean grower in the audience. Open your eyes and actually look. If you'd   
let me finish the sentence, I was GOING to say, they're going RIGHT at it… going at RON, trying   
to KILL Ron.  
Fabian: *sounding disappointed* They're just twats then, aren't they?  
Ami: What's the meaning of 'twat'? How come I've never heard that word?! How can I not know a   
word?! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
Tom: *rolls eyes* Anyway, Uranus and Neptune are heading towards Weasley, wicked gleams in their   
eyes. They're both much taller than him, and he looks a little freaked. Hey, I'd be freaked too,   
if I had two homosexuals coming towards me, looking a little… well, horny, to say the least.  
Fabian: I wouldn't!  
Ami: HE DIDN'T ASK YOU!  
Fabian: And I didn't ask you, ya twat!  
Ami: The word! The word again! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! *fervently starts to sip her glass   
of water*  
Tom: What's this?  
Neptune: Deep…  
Uranus: Shaking!  
Tom: Oh, go for it, homo-chicks! That prat has been knocked to the ground, making his wand fly   
from his cloak. Wait, Neptune's picking it up and pointing at him, and she's waving it wildly… it  
doesn't seem to be doing anything… oh, wait; she just banged it on the floor. BOOM! And Ron   
Weasley appears to have been blown sky-high by an eruption of lava from his wand. God knows how   
she did it, but God, that chick is good!   
Ami: Neptune, Neptune! Woo, go Neptune! Sailor Neptune! *jumps up and starts to dance around*  
Tom: Look, Ami. Can I ask you something? Are you sober?  
Ami: *in a warning tone of voice* Don't start with me, Tom, or I'll turn my friend Jack onto you.  
Tom: Jack??  
Ami: My friend Jack. Jack Daniels.  
Tom: Uhhh… whaddya gonna do? DRINK me to death?  
Ami: Yeah right! Jack's tough!  
Fabian: HOW TOUGH??  
Ami: He's so tough that he eats millions and trillions instead of hundreds and thousands.  
*suddenly the roof of the arena rips open to reveal Fire Angel and Satan's Angel hovering above.   
They swoop down and land on the battlefield, where everyone has been listening to Ami with   
amusement*  
Fire Angel: Can I ask something, Fiz? Did you spike Ami's drink?  
Satan's Angel: Uhhh… no… *looks around guiltily, then looks at F.Angel who looks sternly at her*   
Yes… Yes… *hangs her head*  
Fire Angel: Lemme guess. You just thought that she was SOOOO boring that you might add some spice  
to her personality? Well, it would be funny any other time, but I don't wanna hang around here   
while they finish this goddamn battle, and you know we have to, COS WE'RE WRITING IT!!! Can you   
PLEASE sober her up just a LITTLE, so we can FINISH this fic and start with something   
ELSE?!??!?!?!?!!! *pauses for a second, breathing quickly, trying to take in air*  
Satan's Angel: What if I were to say… no.  
Fire Angel: *growls* Fine. *picks up a pen and paper and scribbles for a second* Ami. You're   
sober. Happy? Now Fiz, can we PLEASE get out of the battlefield and continue to hover above… or   
in your case, below… to watch the game?  
Satan's Angel: Fine.  
*they disappear*  
Tom: All right, so that's all right. Weasley is dead, and now the senshi have his wand. Saturn's   
asking for it, so Neptune's just given it to her. We'll tune back in to her in a minute. Right   
now, though, Sailor Chibi Moon is being chased by Fluffy. She's taunting the dog as she runs…  
Chibi Moon: Betcha can't catch me, ya three-headed dog. You f…  
From the audience… Neo-Queen Serenity: Sweetheart, don't say that word.  
Chibi Moon: *sweatdrop* Funny dog, you.  
Ami: And Fluffy lunges at Chibi-chan… LOOK OUT, CHIBI-CHAN!!!!! Oh, look at that! The pink haired  
senshi leaps out of the way, leading Fluffy right to Hermione! Without thinking, Fluffy clamps   
his teeth onto the boofy-haired smart-ass, chewing her into tiny pieces until nothing remains.   
Oh… and Harry!  
Tom: Harry Potter is CRYING! Hermione is dead… he must've cared about Hermione more than he let   
on! Forget that Cho chick, he's always been in love with Hermione.  
Harry: HERMIONE!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *falls to his knees, puts his head   
in his hands and sobs uncontrollably*  
Saturn: *bends over and speaks gently to Harry* Don't worry, dear Harry. You won't have to live   
with your pain much longer. You'll see the one you love soon, and then you won't have the aching  
in you heart.  
Harry: What… what are you gonna do to me?  
Saturn: By that, I mean… *lowers her voice to a stage whisper* Avada…  
*the whole audience gasps*  
From the world of the very small… Chibi Angel: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Don't cast the death spell on   
Harry! He's done NOTHING to hurt you! Apart from that, it won't work! Voldemort tried it on him   
and it DIDN'T WORK!!! BECAUSE HE'S HARRY POTTER!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!  
Saturn: Yes, but I… *pauses dramatically* I am Sailor Saturn, the soldier of destruction. With my  
powers, I can reduce your gorgeous Harry to dust. AVADA KEDAVRA!  
*Harry drops to the ground like a rock*  
Chibi Angel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
Pluto: My turn, my turn, I wanna kill Malfoy!  
Tom: YEAH! GO PLUTO! KIIIILLLL… hang on a minute! NO! You can't kill Draco! Without him, I have   
no character to play, no money to earn, no soul to release! Please, please, please don't!   
Pluto: Oh for the love of god, this guy is sad. Really sad.  
Chibi Angel: Don't kill him! When Tom plays Malfoy, he's SOOOOOO cute! Please, don't kill him   
like you killed Harry! Please!  
Ami: Oh dear, we have a note from Fire Angel and Satan's Angel here, saying to release Draco and   
Fluffy, with the victory going to the senshi. Malfoy - you're free to go. Take that hideous hound  
with you.  
Malfoy: But I wanna teach these impudent upstarts a lesson.  
Tom: You do it, Malfoy, or you die. And you can't die - you're the coolest character in Harry   
Potter. And hey - the others are dead… now you can be the star! It'll be called Draco Malfoy now,  
and the first instalment will be… *pauses, trying to think*  
Ami: Draco Malfoy and the Revitalisation of Voldemort!  
Malfoy: *thinks, and then grins triumphantly* All right! Fluffy, let's go!  
*Malfoy jumps on Fluffy's back and begins to leave the arena. In front of the door is Venus,   
doing her make-up. When asked to move out of the way by Malfoy, she refuses and instead starts to  
flirt with him. Fluffy, annoyed at waiting, smacks Venus across the face with a paw*  
Ami, Sailors Uranus, Neptune, Saturn, Pluto, F.Angel, S.Angel & C.Angel: Oh no. Now he's in for   
it.  
Venus: ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUPER CRESCENT BEAM PLUS LOVE ME CHAIN HUGE ATTACK   
THING!  
Tom: What the? Is that actually an attack?  
Ami: You're forgetting. She is Sailor V, the original Sailor Soldier, who's patented the 'make up  
a useless phrase and yell it to create a mega attack' technique of fighting.  
Tom: Then… DRACO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
*Tom and Chibi Angel start to bawl*  
Ami: Well. Looks like Fluffy and Malfoy have been blown up, and that means that the senshi have…   
wait for it… won! Again! Wow! *smiles brightly* Anyway, we'll see you all next time folks, when   
the senshi face yet another fantasy story in a fight to the end. Ja mata! 


End file.
